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Thursday, April 8, 2010

12 hilarious Manny Villar and Baby James Jokes: Katuwaan lang, walang pikunan!

Joke no. 1:

Villar to daughter Camille: " Anak, nakita mo ba yung video ni Baby James, endorsing my candidacy?"
Camille: " Yes, dad, saw it."
Villar: " Tignan mo nga if you could spread it around. Gandang material yun for another commercial or sa YouTube."
Camille: " Yes dad, we have copies. Pero, there's a problem eh."
Villar : " Anong problema?
Camille: " Kris is asking for a talent fee."

Joke no. 2:

You know the reason why Manny Villar's infomercials are full of children? Because Villar is actually preparing for the presidential elections in 2026. He knows that Gloria will not give up the presidency easily.

Joke no. 3:

Villar to Camille: " Anak, did you see Baby James' endorsement? Kakatuwa!"
Camille: " Yes dad, saw it."
Villar: " Tignan mo nga if you can ask Baby James to appear in one of my newest commercials."
Camille: " Yes, dad, I already did. Lam mo naman your baby, iniisip mo pa lang, nagawa ko na."
Villar: " Ah, really, so what was the response?"
Camille: " Eh, dad, laki ng hinihingi. Baby James wants to divert C-5 to White Plains para daw maikli na route from his house going to Tagaytay."

Joke no. 4:

What's Baby James most favorite sport? Villar-iards.

Joke no. 5:

Villar (calling his phone): " Hello, err, madame, good morning po!"
Gloria: " Hello....Garci?"
Villar : " Di po, Manny po."
Gloria: " O, hi, Manny, hows the campaign? Did you get Pablo Garcia's endorsement?"
Villar: " Yes po. Thank you po madame."
Gloria: " How about Chavit's? O kitam, sabi ko sa iyo eh, after our meeting in Spain, me and my husband will support you."
Villar : " Thank you po."
Gloria: " Kita mo naman, kahit na bed-ridden si FG, tumatawag pa rin from his bed. O, why did you call? Something wrong?"
Villar: " Yes po madame, there's something I would like to ask of you."
Gloria: " Ask it and it shall be given to you. Lam mo naman kaw ang security ko after June."
Villar: " Did you see Baby James' endorsement?"
Gloria: " Yes, its all over the news."
Villar: " Would like sana po madame if you can lower the voting age to two years old from 18. Sayang kasi, daming batang gustong bumoto sa kin."
Gloria: " Ngek! Okey..."

Joke no. 6:

Villar (very sad): " Anak, did you see the latest surveys? Bumaba na naman rankings ko..."
Camille : " Yes po dad, saw it."
Villar : " Mukhang talagang alat tayo. Pa-awa effect na nga ako eh, telling people that its the Liberals fault, with all these black propaganda..."
Camille : " Don't you worry dad, me solution pa dyan."
Villar (face lighting up): " REALLY? Sige nga anak what is it? I already paid billions of pesos for my ads, paid a lot of people to campaign for me and even paid millions for celebrities to vote for me, pero we're still behind Noynoy. "
Camille : " Dad, I just asked Pulse Asia and SWS to interview kids, lalo na si Baby James. Kita mo, after that, you'll be Number one!"

Joke no. 7:

What is Baby James' favorite road? Yes, you guessed it---C-5.

Joke no. 8:

Camille just arrived from a meeting and went straight to the garden where Manny Villar is sitting. The presidential candidate is really very shocked to find that his survey numbers are sliding.

Camille: " Dad, hey dad, why are you sad?"
Villar: " Anak, look at the surveys. I spent 2 billion pesos already just for those stupid lagi akong mahirap ads and spent billions more asking politicos and showbiz people to vote for me. What more kaya for me to become president?"
Camille: " Hey dad, don't you worry. Have good news for you! Panalo na tayo!"
Villar: " Really. Wow. Who told you?"
Camille: " Si PGMA dad. She just convinced Congress to lower the voting age to 2 years old. Now, Baby James and the Tondo kids can now vote for you!"

Joke no. 9:

Villar to Camille: " Anak, let me ask you, why are people not believing na wala kaming agreement ni Gloria?"

Camille: " Eh, pano naman dad, look at your shirt" (points to Villar's shirt with the words emblazoned " I'm an avid Gloria Fan.")

Joke no. 10:

An asteroid from outer space hit earth, killing all inhabitants, including of course, the Filipino politicos. Since all presidential candidates were killed, they all met in heaven.

Noynoy : " Sayang, tigok agad ako. Di man lang ako nagka-anak."
Villar : " Sayang, tigok agad ako. Di tuloy naging speaker si tyanak."
Gibo : " Sayang di natuloy eleksyon. Di ko tuloy nagantihan si tyanak."
Erap: " Sayang, natigok agad ako. Di tuloy ako nakaisa sa tyanak."

Joke no. 11:

Villar to Loren: " Loren, bakit ganun? Bilyong piso na ginastos ko, behind pa rin ako kay Noynoy. Anong gagawin ko?"

Loren: " Naku, simple lang yan Manny."

Villar: " Tell me. Anything I'll do just to win the presidency!"

Loren: " Eh, di buy-out mo si Noynoy sa Liberal."

Joke no. 12:

Villar to Camille: " Anak, anak, good news! I know now how to stop my ratings from going further down!"
Camille (clapping her hands): " Really dad! Wow, katuwa naman!"
Villar: " Simpleng simple lang. Here's what will do: tell those pollsters to interview day care centers. Tignan ko lang kundi tumaas ratings ko!"
Camille : " Eh, dad, me problema."
Villar: " Hu, me problema? What? That's a fool-proof and sure-fire way to jock my ratings up! Think of the many kids there, especially those who saw Baby James' endorsement!"
Camille: " Eh, dad, ayaw na ng mga kids sa'yo"
Villar (amazed and shocked): " Why? I just gave them 20 pesos and everyday we air my jingles!"
Camille : " Eh, dad, pano, naliligo daw kayo sa dagat ng basura eh. Eyewww!"

POSTSCRIPT: These are just jokes ah. Don't be offended. I am not supporting any presidential candidate, nor dislike any one.